About Jana Wolff
Author - Writer - Adoptive Mother
When I started looking for books about adoption, I had questions that seemed taboo to ask but which I really wanted answered: What if I don’t like the kid I get? Will my child ever really feel like mine? What if the birth mother wants her child back?
I didn’t dare share any of my doubts and fears with adoption professionals, because they might not consider me a fit candidate. I thought I was completely deviant for being nothing like the blissful, eternally grateful adoptive mothers I had heard about.
My mixed feelings pre-adoption didn’t vanish when I finally became an adoptive mom. I didn’t instantaneously fall in love with the infant stranger who would soon become the son I now adore. I was pretty certain I was the only adoptive mother who ever felt that she might have made a terrible, irreversible mistake.
Open adoption is surreal: A complete stranger becomes a lifelong relative and allows her child to become yours. Adoptive parenting is different: you never know how much of a part adoption plays in your child’s behavior. Interracial adoption is a stretch: you don’t resemble your child in the slightest, and you can’t possibly know the things you are responsible for teaching him or her.
I decided to write a book about adoption to help others know they’re not alone in their feelings of insecurity, frustration, resentment and uncertainty. I’ve been rewarded for my candor in writing Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by hearing from people around the world, whose secret thoughts are now less so. I’ve lived in Hawaii since 1989, where I work as a professional writer and ghostwriter, having published 5 books and over 100 feature articles. I’m also a senior mediator at Mediation Center of the Pacific.
My son Ari is now 20 and doesn’t seem to give a rip about the things that keep me up at night… like his life. Stay tuned.
I’ve moved on from writing books about adoption, but I’m encouraged that “Secret Thoughts” continues to resonate with many readers. It has served as a lightning rod for honest conversation about the mixed emotions involved in adoption.
